THE RECORD

33. shield

 

I drag a shield around.

You reach out,

mean to touch my cheek

But find only cold metal

Busted, massive

 

Heavy

 

My arms are hurting,

I’d like to leave it behind somewhere.

 

I leave it on the streets.

A passerby runs after me.

‘Miss! Your shield!’

 

I stack it in a closet on the attic

Between old moth-eaten jackets

And aliases and masks from distant times

all victims to change

And in need of replacement.

 

It lies at my feet as I wake up

wait,

It lies on my chest like a blanket

You mean to touch my cheek

Reach out and think again;

‘This is in vain’

And go

 

The shield

guards my lips

And blocks

my

‘no.’

 

I want to know you

Get me back, back to earth, love, get me back

 

 

I thought I heard them in the streets

Like shadows on a cloudy day

 

And nobody was there with me

To watch the lonely parades

feb 21

you're the one

flicking the lighter

but blame the flame

here come the birds

leaking gasoline

machine eat world

Sun behind glass

burns like it's got

something to prove

'look look, it's summer!'

the trees know better

keeping their leaves

to themselves for a bit

'I can do better!'

burn burn

'Look look, all skirts now'

weary blossom sighs

and appears

-whatever.

echoes come and go and implode in the glow of this 

GLASSHOUSE CITY

one by one the lights are dimmed in the windows of this

GLASSHOUSE CITY

and I am swallowed whole in the arms of the dark of this

GLASSHOUSE CITY

I want to know you

I do

Oh set my mind on the mainland   where do these waves break   don't follow me out    pour me a glass and drink to the last of the storms we wake    I have held you dear my dear, out of love, out of fear, out of habit, and i'm nearly done running from running   where do these waves break   take your hand off my shoulder   take your heart off my chest    i look back and i'm older    i look in front of me and i break waves on the mainland    set my mind on the mainland   where did these waves take us   i remember my name    pour me a glass and drink to the characters we became  I have held you dear my dear, out of love, out of fear, out of habit, and i'm nearly done running from running   where do these waves break   take your hand off my shoulder   take your heart off my chest    i look back and i'm older    i look in front of me and i break waves on the mainland  waves on the mainland         waves on the mainland                                  waves on the mainland 

"YOU SAID WE MASTERED

THE ART OF ESCAPE"

have you read the instructions

on      falling        in         love?

04.11.19

 

Throw it to the wind

Don’t hold your breath hold your breath hold your breath

The eggshells have vanished around your bed

Stand and see

 

'Never make a scene'

Oh let’s make a scene

Make a scene so big the TV screens burst

And reporters report

‘This is large, Marge’

 

And take me with you

 

When you run off in the dark

Don’t keep yourself keep yourself keep yourself

Silent

There’s kind ways of violence that should be released

Leave your hands empty from now on

Been so much noise before

It’s quiet and I am no longer

The kid on the porch

 

Saying ‘take me with you, I’m invisible’

 

There’s boulders in the stream that change the current

In a way so strange

I wanna watch you fly away, make a scene, make a scene

even if you cannot

 

Take me with you

I’m invisible

There's a fire next door

You say it's all in my head

there's a fire next door

the flames lick the stairs

I say i just might choke

you say hold your breath

keep your lips sealed

pick your battles

ÖAR

 

and so in circles we are kept; we leave and we are left     but it’s alright     yes      this is fine     so I dance, I can’t keep standing as restlessness settles in my bones     there are doors and thresholds                    I don’t know anymore            there are shadows that dance in each other’s glow            I followed your words and your silences        anything as long as I don’t stand still     I can’t keep standing and you’re not me but              you haven’t gone away or turned your back or closed that door            I’m told to be fine          to go and let you fall behind and that unraveling takes time           but we’ve got time                did you feel it?               lights go on and eyes are on you                but keep calm and do as you’re told                 there are fires I can’t light          maps I can’t unfold; they’re yours                   it’s all out of my hands now - are you listening?          this fire     don’t let it die         I don’t know what I became       I followed birds that now are gone         but it’s alright        yes           this is fine           we’re no islands           we move on

2016 - ILEN MER - Öar

wicked sun

Oh wicked sun, in the long run you burn dark

Sway with your rays with your summer with your sparks

I fear the day you show your heart

Where do I go, where do I run, where do I start

 

Get another course to eat

Get another pill to sleep

Get one more remote to bleep

Get another place to hide

Get another pic to swipe

Get another face and smile

 

There’s a big wave coming for us

In the distance I can see it

Just keep driving, we’ll outrun it

Our system knows a shortcut baby

 

It rains and it rains

In the faint and shallow light

I wait and I wait and I stare with bloodshot eyes

In dreams I wrap myself in forest fires

Till someone falters by to hold me tight

 

There’s a big wave coming for us

In the distance I can see it

Just keep driving, we’ll outrun it

Our system knows a shortcut baby, Oh

lisbon, summer 2018

I lay my body and my soul on the floor like a carpet

we haven't finished, haven't finished what we started

I feel the water up to my lips
Search for words from the mouths I kiss
Mouths I kiss from the mouths I kiss
Words from the mouths I kiss

A BOY

 

a boy was so afraid and worn down by what if 
that he just hid away and forgot how to live
he altered the past - that shivered with regret - 
and shrank by the thought of the choices ahead
he’d become what he feared and feared what he’d become 
and by fear of all loss he lost all that he got

and i watched from a distance
‘till i could bear it no more
you can’t save those from drowning
who are scared of the shore


21.04.19
pic: https://www.instagram.com/coincidentalphotography/

"COME AND GET ME BABY"

the story of öar

 

Three years after Ilen Mer spent two summer weeks in Sweden, we’ll be going back there to record a third album and play the Gothenburg Culture Festival in Nefertiti and LIJO will support. We’ll spend time in a remote place writing, recording, swimming in the lake and enjoying the quiet. 

I can’t believe how much, and how little, time has passed since we wrote, recorded and released Öar. It’s been the start of new chapters and the closure of others, in many ways that I can only see now time has passed. 

The record is one about heartbreak & reinventing yourself. About the island that is you (öar is Swedish for islands) and that is not you, for it’s impossible to totally disconnect yourself with others. About connection, loneliness and independence. 

I’m another person than I was three years ago - aren’t we all - and I am so so happy to get the opportunity to go back as this new person, with the same, but different, friends and work on new music and new directions in harmony with the past. 

- summer, 2019

I WANT MORE

JUST ONE MORE

POSES / TEN SCREWS

 

Poses

In the dark

Through the cracks

Broken sparks

 

What’s the deal

What’s the cost

What’s the gain

What’s the loss

 

“What’s the issue

Moist sheets?

Don’t throw those

Complaints at me

 

Reverie

Look close

Blue print

Proven pose.”

 

He hands me a knife

With the winter

I run around

Cutting loose sharks and sinners

In ruins it ends

And ruins we begin with

Come the glow

What’s your pose?

 

Radiance

Don’t move

Hyped heart

Ten screws

 

Come and touch me

Get me wild

Before we’re rusty

Slender crimes

 

He hands me a knife

With the winter

I run around

Cutting loose sharks and sinners

In ruins it ends

And ruins we begin with

Come the glow

What’s your pose?

 

I run around

Cutting loose

Skin and bones

Ten screws